Monday, November 3, 2008

Follow up Post

I'm doing much much better thank goodness. My kids are all sleeping and it's pretty early so I'm taking out some time for myself to blog a little. Yesterday I did much better. I tried very hard not to constantly call my husband at work and not to be overly negative. It's very hard for me because I really do complain a lot. I also tried to be calmer at home. I've pretty much given up on doing any housework and I've focussed on sleeping whenever possible. Unfortunately, this didn't work. The baby didn't sleep all morning until 12. After grabbing a bite I layed down for a short nap and then picked up my son.

He recevied a note from the Rebbe that his reading was on a very low level. Of course I don't think he realized that the note said that. I know that he's behind the other boys. Part of this is because he's an English speaker who was in an all English environment until he was 3. Part of it is because he's younger than the other boys and they push them to know how to read at a very young age. Part of it is also because he isn't surrounded by Hebrew all the time like the other boys. We also don't practice as much as we should just because there isn't time and he ususally doesn't have the strength. His history of acheiving reading can be another post.

So, I called my husband about that and hopefully we'll talk to the Rebbe tonight and see what's going on. I devoted time to my son when he was home because the baby was sleeping so I could give him undivided attn. Then it was time to pick up my daughter, the real challenge. We went to the makolet where she grabbed some chocolate and wouldn't put it back until she ripped it open. I wasn't so happy but I think I handled the situation well.

What really broke up the day nicely was taking my son to Talmud Torah in the afternoon. This is a program that we have to pay for on a monthly basis where a rav from the yishuv teaches them about the parsha. They get a treat at the end. It's organized by age. After picking up the kids from gan we rest a little and then head out to the shul where the TT takes place. There is a playground outside where my daughter can run around and get out all of her energy. It was nice to be outside and not cooped up in the house all day. This made a big difference.

The hardest part of the day is dinner and bedtime. She gets overtired and hyper. She pulls my son into her games and he also starts acting wild. They get into mischief together. Like I said, I was able to pretty much keep my cool and control my reactions. I was too tired from kvetchy baby to be able to blog last night.

Today, baby again didn't want to sleep in the morning. Luckily for me, he took a nap around 12:30 and slept until 2:45. This gave me a chance to rest as well. I left my kids at a babysitter until 3:30. Again, taking the kids to the TT really breaks up the day and is helpful in keeping me sane.

What I really need in an ideal world is someone to take my kids out and someone to clean up (do dishes, put away toys and other things my kids place on the floor, sweep up etc.) I am not getting to the housework and it's starting to pile up. My husband doesn't get home until after 8. Then he learns until he goes to sleep. He helps a lot with the morning routine but basically I'm on my own.

I guess I forgot how hard it is to have a newborn. My nutty daughter was the best newborn ever. She didn't cry until she was 6 months. She slept through the night at a very early age and in general did everything early. I always said to my hubby that I feel that she was never a newborn. That is part of the reason that it's harder this time. They are 2 3/4 of a year apart and my daughter is toddler. She is very active and demands a lot of attention. She was not like that as a baby and so I probably thought that having another one would not be too difficult. Boy was I wrong. I find myself nursing all the time and barely resting or getting anything done around the house. My son also nursed lots and very frequently so I remember what that's like.

Right now I'm just trying to stay positive and to realize that all of this is normal. This isn't easy but that's okay. Life isn't easy and G-d doesn't give you a test you can't pass. Hopefully I'll be able to prove to Him that I can pass this one.


Commenter Abbi said...

I'm glad yesterday was better!

It sounds like you live in a charedi neighborhood. Is there a possibility of getting a chessed girl in to help you- if you live in J-m, can you get one of those seminary girls in? My SIL lives in Har Nof and she always has a teenager like that helping her out. If not, is there any way you can swing paying some teenage help like that, especially for those hairy afternoon/evening times?

My husband also wasn't home for dinner and bathtime and I got some help for those hours 3 days a week until my son was 3 months old and it made a huge difference in my life. And my older girls weren't even that much of a handful.

If your daughter gets overtired and hyper, I would suggest also starting the dinner-bath-bed routine as early as possible; even at 5 if necessary. That, way, at least if you get them settled a bit early they'll hopefully be a bit calmer and you can have some quiet playtime before bed.

Also, another lifesaver for me: A baby swing. That really made a difference when I didn't have help in the evening. My son loved and still loves the swing, and it was like an extra pair of arms to hold him when i needed to take care of the girls.

Feel free to email me a qtavitali at

Stephanie said...

oh yes..a swing..that was a MUST HAVE! And for my son, Barney the dinosaur tapes were sent from heaven. Watch the amount of sugar your daughter eats, that can make a child hyper and out of control. A mothers helper would be ideal for you now as well. Good luck