I know that I really shouldn't do this but....I NEED to vent and let off some steam. I'm really really really annoyed at my husband. Is it because I asked him to take out the garbage on his way to work and he didn't? Is it because this is the millionth time this happened? No. Is it because I asked him to get change so I could pay the babysitter today? No. Is it becaused I caused him to be in a crabby mood today? Perhaps. Is it because every time I call him he tries to end the class as soon as possible? Could be. Is it because he uses different standards of what's okay for him and for me? Yup.
When my in-laws were here they brought feet pjs for my older son. I waited until last night to give them to him. It was too hot when they were here. I asked my hubby if it's okay that I wait to give them to him. He said yes. Last night after the bath I felt that the kids might be cold so I let them wear feet pjs. I took out the new ones for my son. He was excited to see them. He insisted that they fit even though they were a little big. He liked the space shuttles on them.
This morning when my hubby got home from shul and saw him wearing them he was upset that I had let our son wear them when he wasn't there to see it. I guess it was insensitive of me. He was really really annoyed at me. He kept saying that he couldn't believe that I didn't wait for a night when he was home early to do this. Mind you that there is no night when he's home early -except Friday night and Saturday night. So then he asked what my sons reaction was when he saw the pjs. He expressed how annoyed he was again since he was the one who asked his parents to bring the pjs. How could I not wait for him? Well gee. He did say that I could wait to put them on him for another night. He never said that he wanted to be there when he puts them on. He never told me that he wanted to be the one to put the pjs on him. I guess I should have known. This isn't the first time this happened. Yup, I should have known. No excuses.
So I'm annoyed-at him and at me. So hubby goes to work all annoyed. Then I call him to tell him I made a dentist appointment and I can tell in his voice he's still annoyed and wants to get off soon. We hang up. Then later I get another important phone call so I call him to let him know what the lady said. Again he is eager to hang up. Fine. Maybe he has lots of work to do. Okay. Then, he asks me what's for dinner. The dreaded subject. I say, you're having hot dogs and I'm having wedding food. This was my way of hinting to him that I need him home early so I can get to my secretary from school's wedding. So he says: At 8:30 right? I say: very funny. He knows it starts at 7:30 and I need him home at 7. Then I say how I'm so happy to have married someone with such a sense of humor. He apparently got offended. Maybe he's still upset about what happened in the morning. When I tried to get him to talk to me he said he wanted to hang up. When I tried to pry out of him what was wrong he hung up on me. When I called back and told him that I didn't like the way the conversation ended and I really wanted closure for the subject he refused to talk to me about anything. He said that I wasn't his therapist. I told him that I wasn't but I was his wife and therefore I wanted to know what was going on and why he wasn't talking to me. Finally after not getting anywhere with him I got so upset that I hung up. I was almost in tears.
Why can't he just talk to me and tell me what's wrong? Doesn't he want to work things out? Maybe he's just given up. He always says things like that. He doesn't see any point in telling me because I won't have the right reaction. He feels the need to hide things from me because I'll react in the wrong way and I'll say things that will hurt him. Maybe it's just because I'm a woman but I feel the need to talk things out. Even if the talking leads to unpleasant things being said but when two people share their feelings I feel that progress has been made. I'd rather he tell me he's upset and why than that he not tell me but I know that he's upset but I have no idea why. He feels that if he would tell me I wouldn't understand why he's upset and therefore he shouldn't bother telling me. I feel that if he'd tell me maybe I could do something about it.
Basically, shalom bayis issues. Yea, I know that this isn't the type of stuff that people normally share on their blogs but I NEEDED to vent. The whole reason I started this blog was to be able to vent at someone other than my hubby. He didn't want to hear it any more.
So, I'm really unhappy right now. He won't apologize because he just doesn't do that. I can't because I have no clue what I did wrong and even if I did he wouldn't accept my apology. He'd say it's fake and I don't mean it. If I meant it I wouldn't do this again and again and again. So, I'll just be walking around with a sad look on my face for the rest of the day. Man I hate this stuff. It's much easier to never see him and to go to sleep before he comes home and to not have to talk in the morning. Unfortunately that isn't the way things are so we'll have to see what happens. It's probably going to be a stalemate for a while. I'd call but I think it won't do any good. I'll probably have to wait until he calls to tell me he's leaving work or until he actually comes home (at which point I'll be exiting to get to the wedding). Sigh!